Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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