I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
