I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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