don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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