it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
