Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
