Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
