this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
