I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
