Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Boobs are out for the taking
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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