Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.