No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
