Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.