I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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