I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
