was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
