wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
