There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
