was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
