That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
