If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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