Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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