the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
