i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
