i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
