someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
