One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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