someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
