My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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