I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.