He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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