We won't sleep together?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
