dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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