Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
