I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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