It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
