How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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