I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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