So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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