I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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