I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
