you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
