Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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