but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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