I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
