Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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