i'm signing you up for texting rehab
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
