I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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