we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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