I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
