i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
