my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
