Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
