I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
