Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
