you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
