A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
