Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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