if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
