This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
