insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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