I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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