I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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