you guys were way drunker than both of me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
