Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
