I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
