i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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