yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
