You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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