i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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