were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
