1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
