Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
