you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
