I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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