Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
