Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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