I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
