I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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