I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
