we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My breasts were aching with rage.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
