she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
