True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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