You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do vagina's smell?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
