If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
